Tag Archives: personal hygiene

The downs and downs of body odour

I just have to say that I blame poor parenting. If parents are not applicable then I blame poor upbringing. So very much goes right and/or wrong in the development stages of a child. When that child was busy annoying the living brain fluid (formally called cerebrospinal fluid) out of you why did it seem such a reach to say: “Hey junior, wanna know something cool? The body cools itself by releasing tiny drops of liquid all over your body. Everywhere you see some hair is what we call a pore. Want to know something else, Junior? Yes? Oh but of course you do! This liquid is called sweat and if you ever go for long periods of time without some form of deodorant this sweat can become smelly. Do you want to be smelly, Junior?”

Junior will reply, to the pleasure of your ears: “No daddy!”

Sweet imagery isn’t it? And there. It’s done. As a parent you have succeeded in protecting your child from a lifetime of ridicule and possible rejection. What’s that about wanting your kids to “learn the ropes” the hard way? Bull****! Anti-perspirant not only reduces perspiration, but keeps germs that result in a stench at bay. I will be honest – I have not once, but twice ducked relationships because of body odour. Not mine – obviously not mine. *brushes dirt off shoulder*
It is so hard for me to comprehend beautiful women who don’t smell like a *insert your favourite smelling thing here*. Don’t get me wrong – perfume everyday isn’t remotely what I am suggesting, but much like a fresh breath – this might not score you points, but sure as the sun in the sky will not lose you any.

I smell a rat
I smell a rat

From under R10, about $1, you can belong to a group of elites who just smell… somewhere between neutral and great. We want to hang out with you. Be seen with you. Heck, we wanna put it up high and “High 5” you! What hurts my feelings though is that your friends and family know very well about the downs and downs of body odour, but why are they keeping you out of this ‘circle’? I have a theory: they don’t really love nor care about you.
Cruel maybe, but what other explanation is there?

Yes we just met and I think you look like the future mother to my kids, but after 21 it is NOT my role to come in and solve THIS particular problem. In fact – I don’t even know how to word it without hurting your feelings so I had to settle for being ‘that asshole’ with a nonsense excuse for not making you his woman. I’ve walked into rooms where an individual’s unpleasant odour killed something up my nasal canal and… thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to put crosses on a map to indicate which parts of the world seem to breed cultures that excludes anti-perspirant… *considers it for a moment then comes to his senses*…, but even I have had an off day or two in my life, but there is honestly no excuse. There are so many brands and products to choose from – one or some are definitely for you and yes you’re far from home, but your 24-hours convenience store apparently has just what you need! *High Fives you*

Shower and/or bath properly. Take your time and roll-on it up. Improve your personal hygiene. Ditch your family and friends. They don’t love you anyway. Be cool. Literally.